Yes, I know my eggs are drying out, but I want my f%$#ing wristband!!!

I was poo-pooed last night when I tried to show my ID to a doorman at the Avalon. The doorman (who I shall refer to as ED2 - European Douche Doorman) gave me the dismissive once over and a "come on, bitch, you're old" gaze and refused to give me a wristband after he had given all my friends and my boyfriend one.

With an irritated and bruised ego, I proceeded to the door where the woman wondered why I didn't have a wristband and said I needed one if I wanted to drink. I shrugged and said, "He wouldn't give me one, he thinks it's beyond obvious that I'm old." She winced like "I'm not so sure," or maybe just "You can't drink without it" so I barged back up to ED2 and said "I'm gonna need the wristband anyhow."

ED2 was mid to late 40's with that Eurotrash air of superiority (even though he was working the door on a Wednesday night). And I wasn't out clubbing (never did that when I was young anyhow, this whole LA Velvet rope business is considered bullshit where I come from). The concert's average age was 35 and the crowd was guy heavy so maybe ED2 was just pissy 'cause his regular gaggle of young girls were absent. And, yeah, I know I'm no spring chicken anymore. My gynecologist gave me the "you better procreate this summer or freeze some fertilized eggs fast" spiel a couple of months ago. Ugh!

When we left that night I saw ED2 smirking, a bemused smug on his face as he watched a sweet and chubby geek pose for a photo in front of THE HOLD STEADY marquee. ED2 is too self involved to know the pure glee of seeing your favorite band perform and jumping around like a fool with your friends as you shout out their lyrics as one. And ED2 is WAY behind the curve, geeks and cougars have been the new cool for some time now.

I wish Mr. European Douche Doorman many more late Wednesday nights working the door in the superficial realm of Hollywood he calls home. And he can kiss my fat, white, aging ass too!

Check out THE HOLD STEADY below. The lead singer is what you get when you cross Woody Allen with the gesticulations of Joe Cocker - throw in some Bruce Springsteen intonation and catchy stories about parties, getting drunk and high, getting dumped, getting thrown in jail or landing in the hospital (one of my favorite lyrics - "It started recreational and ended up getting medical.").

THE HOLD STEADY songs introduce you to a cast of unique characters - like some of your favorite, if slightly crazy, pals. Seeing their shows is a fantastic experience for any age!!!